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# talkhard.bx version 345 #           # by #   # chameleon and Bioc Agent04 #
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@cl=[\[0m]
@red=[\[31m]
@hblk=[\[1;30m]
@hred=[\[1;31m]

@talk.ver=[(talkhard!345)]
@talk.echo=[(talkhard)]
@talk=[${hred}ì${cl}]

eval set format_version ${format_version} + $talk.ver

############################## Random Aways #################################

@raway.0=["Is there life after highschool?"]
@raway.1=["Eat your cereal with a fork, and do your homework in the dark"]
@raway.2=[Tonight we have #12 of 100 things to do with your body when your all alone!]
@raway.3=[I mean how serious are you? I ask you that.]
@raway.4=[On no not again, I think its gonna be a gusher.]
@raway.5=[Its 10:00 do you know where your parents are?]
@raway.6=[I want brains and exctoplasmic cum spilled all over them HALEELOOYA!]
@raway.7=[TALK HARD!!]
@raway.8=[you out there? you listening?]
@raway.9=[SO BE IT!@$]
@raway.10=[thats why we need a note pal.]
@raway.11=[truth is a virus.]

alias raway {^away $raway[$rand(11)]}

################################# Letters ###################################

alias letter if ([$0]) {
  if ([$0]==[index]) {^echo $talk.echo 1: Letter from opinion guy.;^echo $talk.echo 2: Older brother letter.;^echo $talk.echo 3: suicide letter.}
  if ([$0]==[rand]) {eval letters.$rand(3)}
  if ([$0]==[spec]) {eval letters.$1}
}{^echo $talk.echo Usage: /letter <index|rand|spec (number)>}

alias letters.1 {
  ^say Dear Hard Harry,
  ^say I think your boring and obnoxious,
  ^timer 2 say and have a high opinion of yourself.
  ^timer 2 say I think school is ok if you just look at it right,
  ^timer 6 say I like your music but, I really just dont see why u cant be chearfull for 1 second.
  ^timer 6 say ....
  ^timer 10 say Well I'll tell you since you asked, 
  ^timer 10 say I just arrived in this stupid suburb, 
  ^timer 14 say I have no friends, no money, no car, no license,
  ^timer 14 say and even if I did have a license all I could do is drive out to some stupid mall,
  ^timer 18 say maybe if I'm lucky play some fuken video games, smoke a joint and get stupid.
  ^timer 18 say You see theres nothing to do anymore,
  ^timer 22 say everything decents been done all the great themes have been used up turned into theme parks.
  ^timer 22 say So I don't really find it exactly chearfull to be living in like a totally exausted decade,
  ^timer 26 say where theres nothing to look forward to and noone to look up to.
  ^timer 26 say shwooooo, that wuz deep *burp* - $talk.echo
}

alias letters.2 {
  ^say Dear Hard Harry,
  ^say I share a room with my older brother,
  ^timer 2 say nearly everynight after he turn out his light,
  ^timer 2 say he comes over to my bed,
  ^timer 6 say gives me a few arm nugees and stuff,
  ^timer 6 say then he makes me scratch his back and other refinements.
  ^timer 10 say Sooner or later he gets worked up and without further adeu he rubbes his penis and makes me watch.
  ^timer 10 say Signed: screwed up.
  ^timer 14 say ...
  ^timer 14 say Well first of all ur not screwed up,
  ^timer 16 say your an unscrewed up reaction to a screwed up situation.
  ^timer 16 say You see feeling screwed up in a screwed up place,
  ^timer 22 say in a screwed up time, does not mean that your screwed up.
  ^timer 22 say If you cetch my drift. - $talk.echo
  ^timer 24 input_char "(talkhard!345) would you like to show the phone call?(y=yes n=no): " if ([$0]) {phone.ask $0}
}

alias phone.ask {
  if ([$0]==[y]) {phone.1}
  if ([$0]==[n]) {^echo $talk.echo Older Brother phone call halted.}
}{input_char "(talkhard!345) would you like to show the phone call?(y=yes n=no): " if ([$0]) {phone.ask $0}}

alias phone.1 {
  ^say Now as you know dear listeners if you enclose your numbers a reply is most definite.
  ^say *RING*
  ^say screwed up: hello
  ^timer 2 say harry: this is happy harry hardon your live is this Mrs. Screwedup?
  ^timer 2 say screwed up: yes.
  ^timer 6 say harry: well I have a couple of questions..
  ^timer 6 say harry: how big is this thing you described, is it bigger then a babys arm?
  ^timer 14 say ...
  ^timer 14 say harry: what you dont know or you dont want to tell me?
  ^timer 22 say screwed up: *giggle*
  ^timer 22 say harry: maybe you made this whole thing up eh!?!?!
  ^timer 26 say harry: remember my dear I can smell a lie like a fart in a car!$
  ^timer 26 say *CLICK*
  ^timer 30 say eh well its to bad about that one actually, you see to me the real truth is allways a bigger turn on.
}

alias letters.3 {
  ^say Dear Hard Harry,
  ^say Do you think I should kill myself?.
  ^timer 2 say Signed: I'm serious
  ^timer 2 say ...
  ^timer 6 say and of course there is a number here..my luck
  ^timer 6 say *RING*
  ^timer 10 say harry: hello serious.
  ^timer 10 say serious: yea
  ^timer 14 say harry: are you ok?
  ^timer 14 say serious: yep.
  ^timer 18 say harry: I guess what I'm asking is how serious are you?
  ^timer 18 say harry: well how are you going to do it?
  ^timer 22 say serious: I'm going to blow my fucking head off.
  ^timer 22 say harry: well do you have a gun?
  ^timer 26 say serious: No I'm going to use my finger genius.
  ^timer 26 say harry: allright.. so uh where is this going to take place?
  ^timer 30 say serious: right here.
  ^timer 30 say harry: ok where is this alleged uh, do you have it with you?
  ^timer 34 say harry: Did you atleast write a note?
  ^timer 34 say harry: I mean you have a reason dont ya?
  ^timer 38 say harry: Your not going to be one of these ppl who kill themselves and nobody knows why thy did it huh!@$%#
  ^timer 38 say harry: Thats why we need a note pal.
  ^timer 42 say serious: I'm all alone...
  ^timer 42 say harry: Oh hey look maybe it's ok to be alone sometimes.
  ^timer 46 say harry: I didn't talk to one person today not..not counting teachers...
  ^timer 46 say harry: I sit alone everyday you know in a stairwell eating my lunch reading a book.
  ^timer 46 say harry: how bout you?
  ^timer 47 say *CLICK*
  ^timer 50 say Eh I hate that. Now I,m depressed, now I feel like killing myself but luckely I'm to depressed to bother.. - $talk.echo
}

########################## EatMe BeatMe Lady Letters ########################

alias eatmebeatme if ([$0]) {
  if ([$0]==[index]) {^echo $talk.echo 1: Eatme Beatme lady letter #1;^echo $talk.echo 2: Eatme Beatme lady letter #2}
  if ([$0]==[rand]) {eval lady.$rand(2)}
  if ([$0]==[spec]) {eval lady.$1}
}{^echo $talk.echo Usage: /eatmebeatme <index|rand|spec (num)>}

alias lady.1 {
  ^say And now all my horny listeners get one hand free becuzzz... yes the eatme beatme lady is back!
  ^timer 2 say ...
  ^timer 6 say COME IN
  ^timer 10 say EVERYNIGHT U ENTER ME LIKE A CRIMINAL
  ^timer 14 say YOU BREAK INTO MY BRAIN BUT YOUR NO ORDINARY CRIMINAL
  ^timer 18 say YOU PUT UR FEET UP
  ^timer 22 say AND YOU POP A PEPSI
  ^timer 26 say YOU START TO PARTY
  ^timer 30 say U TURN UP MY STEREO
  ^timer 34 say SONGS I NEVER HEARD BUT I MOVE ANYWAY
  ^timer 38 say YOU GET ME CRAZY BUT I SAY DO IT 
  ^timer 42 say I DONT CARE WUT JUST DO IT
  ^timer 46 say JAMM ME
  ^timer 50 say JACK ME 
  ^timer 54 say PUSH ME
  ^timer 58 say PULL ME
  ^timer 59 say TALK HARD!@$ - $talk.echo
}

alias lady.2 {
  ^say yes! its the EatMe BeatMe lady back again!$
  ^timer 2 say ...
  ^timer 6 say YOUR THE VOICE CRYING OUT IN THE WILDERNESS
  ^timer 10 say YOUR THE VOICE THE MAKES MY BRAIN BURN AND MY GUTS GO GOOWY
  ^timer 14 say YEA U GUT ME 
  ^timer 18 say MY INSIDES SPILL ON UR ALTER AND TELL THE FUTURE
  ^timer 22 say MY STEAMING GLEAMING GUTS SPELL OUT UR NATURE
  ^timer 26 say I KNOW YOU
  ^timer 30 say NOT UR NAME BUT UR GAME
  ^timer 34 say I KNOW THE TRUE YOU
  ^timer 38 say COME TO ME OR ILL COME TO YOU - $talk.echo
}

################################### Quotes ##################################

alias talkquote if ([$0]) {
  if ([$0]==[rand]) {talk.$rand(17)}
  if ([$0]==[spec]) {talk.$1}
}{^echo $talk.echo Usage: /talkquote <rand|spec (num)>}

alias talk.0 {^say In an insane world, only the insane are sane. - $talk.echo}
alias talk.1 {
  ^say You ever get the feeling that everything in america is completely fucked up?
  ^timer 2 say you know that feeling?
  ^timer 2 say like the whole country is 1 inch away from saying "THATS IT! FORGET IT!"
  ^timer 6 say think about it everythings poluted, the enviroment the goverment, the schools you name it.
  ^timer 10 say Speaking of schools I wuz walking the hallowed halls the other day and I asked myself
  ^timer 14 say "Is there life after highschool?" 
  ^timer 18 say Because I cant face tomorrow let alone a whole yr of this shit. - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.2 {
  ^say Ya you got it folks its me again with a lil attitude for all you out here in whitebread land.
  ^timer 2 say And yes folks you guessed it, tonight I'm as horny as a 10peckerd owl.
  ^timer 6 say So stay tuned cause this is hard harry saying "Eat your cereal with a fork, and do your homework in the dark." - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.3 {
  ^say I got that feeling, 
  ^timer 2 say mmm ya that framiliar feeling that something rank is going down out there..
  ^timer 6 say Ya I can smell it I can allmost taste it,
  ^timer 10 say the rightness in the air, its everywhere!
  ^timer 14 say Its running thru that old pipeline out there,
  ^timer 18 say prickling along that dumb concrete river,
  ^timer 22 say and coming up thru the drains of them lovely tractomes that we all live in.. - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.4 {
  ^say My dad sold out,
  ^timer 2 say and my mom sold out yrs ago when she had me,
  ^timer 6 say and then they sold me out when they brought me into this hole in the world.
  ^timer 10 say Hey they made me everything I am today so naturally I hate the bastards.
  ^timer 14 say Speaking of which I am running a contest on the best way to put them out of there misery. - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.5 {^say Tonight we have #12 of 100 things to do with ur body when ur all alone! - $talk.echo}
alias talk.6 {
  ^say Yes hard harry will goto any length to keep his 3 listeners glued with oowy bluey to there radios.
  ^timer 2 say But the question is how far will you go, I mean how far can you go to amaze and disgust the insatiable hard harry huh!@$??
  ^timer 6 say I mean how serious are you? 
  ^timer 10 say I ask you that. - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.7 {
  ^say Its 10:00 do you know where ur parents are?
  ^timer 2 say Cause after all it is a jungle out there. - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.8 {
  ^say I dont know, 
  ^timer 2 say everywhere i look it seems like someones getting buttsurfed by the system.
  ^timer 6 say My parents are allways talking about the system,
  ^timer 10 say and the 60's,
  ^timer 14 say abd how cool the 60's was,
  ^timer 18 say well look at where the 60's got them!
  ^timer 22 say *COME ON PPL NOW*
  ^timer 26 say *SHINE ON YOUR BROTHERS*
  ^timer 30 say *EVERYBODY GET TOGETHER*
  ^timer 34 say *TRY AND LOVE ONE AND OTHER RIGHT NOW!* - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.9 {
  ^say I hate the 60's, I hate school, I hate principles, I hate vice principles.
  ^timer 2 say But my true pure refined hatred is reserved for guidence counselors. - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.10 {
  ^say So I dont know send me your most pathetic moment,
  ^timer 2 say your most anything as long as its real,
  ^timer 6 say I mean I want the size, the shape, 
  ^timer 10 say the feel, the smell,
  ^timer 14 say I want blood sweat and tears on these letters.
  ^timer 18 say I want brains and exctoplasmic cum spilled all over them HALEELOOYA! - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.11 {
  ^say I like that.... 
  ^timer 2 say talk hard..
  ^timer 6 say I like the idea that a voice can just go somewhere uninvited,
  ^timer 10 say just kinda hangout like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind.
  ^timer 14 say Maybe a thought is like a virus,
  ^timer 18 say it can just kill all the healthy thoughts and takeover... 
  ^timer 22 say That would be serious. - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.12 {^say you out there? u listening? - $talk.echo}
alias talk.13 {^say SO BE IT. - $talk.echo}
alias talk.14 {
  ^say I dont know drugs are out,
  ^timer 2 say sex is out, politics are out,
  ^timer 6 say everything is on hold!
  ^timer 10 say I mean we really need something new,
  ^timer 14 say I'm just waiting for a voice to come out of somewhere and just say 
  ^timer 18 say "Hey wait a second wut is wrong with this picture?, Just take a look around!" - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.15 {
  ^say Parents dont really know who we are,
  ^timer 2 say mine had me tested cause I sit everyday in the basement naked wearing only a cockring. heh - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.16 {
  ^say I am everywhere,
  ^timer 2 say I am inside each and every one of you!
  ^timer 6 say Just look in and I will be there,
  ^timer 10 say staring out at you,
  ^timer 14 say naked... Wearing only a cockring. heh heh. - $talk.echo
}
alias talk.17 {
  ^say You hear about some kid did something stupid, something desperate
  ^timer 2 say wut posessed him,
  ^timer 6 say how could he do such a terrible thing!!!
  ^timer 10 say Well its really quite simple.
  ^timer 14 say Consider the life of a teenager,
  ^timer 18 say you have parents and teachers telling you wut to do,
  ^timer 22 say you have movies, magazines, and tv telling you wut to do,
  ^timer 26 say but you know wut you got to do!
  ^timer 30 say Your job, your purpouse is to get excepted,
  ^timer 34 say get a cute girlfriend to think up something great to do for the rest of your life.
  ^timer 38 say But what if your confused and cant imagine a career?
  ^timer 42 say What if your funny looken and cant get a girlfriend?
  ^timer 46 say See no one wants to hear it.
  ^timer 50 say But see the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun then being dead.
  ^timer 54 say Suicide is wrong.
  ^timer 58 say The interesting thing about it is how uncomplicated it seems, you know?
  ^timer 62 say Here you have all these problems swarmen around in your brain,
  ^timer 66 say and here is one simple one incredibly simple solution.
  ^timer 70 say Now there gonna say I said offing yourself is simple..
  ^timer 74 say but no no no..
  ^timer 78 say Its not simple,
  ^timer 82 say its like everything else you have to read the fine print.
  ^timer 86 say Like for instance,
  ^timer 90 say assuming there is a heaven, who would ever want to go there!?!?
  ^timer 94 say I mean think about its school yr,
  ^timer 98 say your sitting there up on this cloud,
  ^timer 102 say there its nice you know, its quiet-
  ^timer 106 say theres no teachers theres no parents, but guess what...
  ^timer 110 say theres nothing to do, fucking boring!
  ^timer 114 say Another thing to remember about suicide.. 
  ^timer 118 say Is that it is not a pretty picture..
  ^timer 122 say First of all you shit your shorts!
  ^timer 126 say So there ya are dead,
  ^timer 130 say People are weeping over you,
  ^timer 134 say girls who you never knew are saying "WHY WHY WHY!!"
  ^timer 138 say And heh, you got a load in ur shorts. - $talk.echo
}

################################ Help alias #################################

alias talkhelp {
  ^echo ${hblk}ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ${red}ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ${hred}ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ${cl}
  ^echo  [talkhard.bx by chameleon and Bioc Agent04 - HELP]
  ^echo $talk /raway : sets a random pump up the volume quote away.
  ^echo $talk /letter <index|rand|spec (num)> : says a Letter.
  ^echo $talk /eatmebeatme <index|rand|spec (num)> : says a eatme beatme lady letter.
  ^echo $talk /talkquote <rand|spec (num)> : says a talkhard quote.
  ^echo ${hblk}ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ${red}ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ${hred}ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ${cl}
}

eval echo ${talk.ver} by chameleon and Bioc Agent04 loaded
eval echo ${talk.echo} Help Command: /talkhelp

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