# Once again by popular demand, cres.irc needs to be updated and who can
# do the job better than anyone? BARON! With the help of [nutbar], were
# adding more cresisms and rewriting the randomizer to make your cres 
# harrassing session much more enjoyable! 
#
# By popular demand.... it's cres.irc !!!  Official script of:
#
#	 		The Official Cres Fan Club
#
# This script is dedicated to: Cres... the man with the nuke...
#
# Greets to Cres, PSiLiCON, Myrdraal, panasync, dh, sh00p, shadz, shade
# (where ever you are), psykotyk, oweff, and the rest of the #BitchX crew.
#
# cres.irc v1.0 by macker - public distro
# cres.irc v1.1 by macker - public distro - fixed bug... rand may return 0
# cres.irc v1.2 by macker - public distro - fixed version bug (thanks Myrdraal)
# cres.irc v1.2a by macker - public distro - changed inc routine..
						thanks again Myrdraal
# cres.irc v1.3 by macker - public distro - yet another version...
# cres.irc v2.0 by macker - public distro - reworked /cres with *more*
						suggestions by Myrdraal...
						major re-arranging and
						bugfixing by macker
						colorized by Myrdraal
# cres.irc v2.1 by macker - public distro - we're at 75 cresisms...
						minor changes
# cres.irc v2.2 by macker - public distro:
#  fixed bug with -1 being subtracted from $rand result, sometimes giving
#  -1.  changing to a diff format for the changes log...  (previously
#  using seen.tcl style history).  added cres.kick.  And thanks to
#  Myrdraal for helping test and ideas... careful bud, i'm gonna make
#  myrd.irc next.... ;)

# cres.irc v2.3 by macker - public distro:
# centralized $cresmsg and made cres.msg
# changing format for the data storage of the cresisms... in next ver...
# added lots of nifty new commands and an anti-flood delay on public /cres
# There is now a chan, #cfc (Cres Fan Club), for you Cres.IRC'ers.. thanks
# shadz and |By-Tor|
# This version has 100 Cresisms.  It took a lot longer to get done than it
# should have.  This wasn't a planned release... next version should be
# 3.0 and more of the way I planned.  (blame `oUtlaw` for v2.3 :P)
# We have submissions for cresisms from such big names as |By-Tor|,
# prawxee (Proxy), Baron, shadz, and of course Myrdraal, and others!

# cres.irc v2.3(a) by macker - public distro:
# real stupid error... the buggy version was sent to about 3 ppl so the
# fixed version should be the only one out there.  no change to version
# reply.

# 2.4 Has like 20 New cresisms, added by Baron and a new randomizer added
# by [nutbar] Greetz to Cres and the #BitchX Crew ( Sorry, too many to
# list ) :)

# If i forgot to mention you somewhere (You're at the top Cres....)
# and you feel you must be mentioned in this 31337 script then let me
# know.  ;)

@ cres.logo = [$cparse("%K.%bx%c%%%C(%WCres%C)%c%%%bx%K.%n")]
@ cres.version = [$cparse(%cv%C2%c.%C5%c)]

#                 A line suitable for topic should not go beyond here##
assign cres.data.0 SS [sideshow@says.talk.to.Cres.if.yer.looking.for.a.cheap.wh0re.org] has joined #bitchx
assign cres.data.1 Cres... nuttin' but a smooth 100% /dev/zero
assign cres.data.2 Cres isn't ugly, he's just different
assign cres.data.3 <Cresr00t> mr-bill be my sweet bitch
assign cres.data.4 <mr_bill> cres: suck my ballz
assign cres.data.5 <Cresr00t> my mom killed my i-net account
assign cres.data.6 <Cres> dont ban me
assign cres.data.7 <Cres> i better take it outa there
assign cres.data.8 <Cres_> any one here an FBI agent?
assign cres.data.9 we lub j00 cres
assign cres.data.10 [signoff/#BitchX] Cresr00t (Killed (mr_bill (hey cres DONT IRK AS ROOT)))
assign cres.data.11 <Cresr00t> juarez5 is dieing sigh
assign cres.data.12 [topic/#bitchx(oweff)] cres is a redneck.
assign cres.data.13 <Cresr00t> [msg(mr_bill)] IRcing as r00t is neat
assign cres.data.14 [signoff/#BitchX] Cresr00t (Killed (mr_bill (hey bitch I said DONT IRC AS ROOT)))
assign cres.data.15 <Cresr00t> mr_bill ruls
assign cres.data.16 <Cres_> where are hiz ballz man?
assign cres.data.17 <Cresr00t> im afriad to hangup <Cresr00t> justn case my friend changed his p/w
assign cres.data.18 <mr_bill> cres, quit using those hax0red accts
assign cres.data.19 <Cresr00t> youll jizz over dem
assign cres.data.20 <Cresr00t> mr_bill: how did u find out eye was irc'ing as root whem eye'm plus eye 
assign cres.data.21 <Cresr00t> dh:  where are his ballz?
assign cres.data.22 <Cresr00t> gawdess: gimme it =)
assign cres.data.23 [signoff/#BitchX] Cresr00t (Killed (humble (bill says 'hi!')))
assign cres.data.24 <Cresr00t> yew want more of dis baabee?
assign cres.data.25 <Cresr00t> everyone is gonna hide on nol.net
assign cres.data.26 <Cresr00t> i was soposed to go to bed 3 hours ago
assign cres.data.27 <Cresr00t> macker <Cresr00t> ill give u 5 seconds to take that off
assign cres.data.28 <Cresr00t> im not fugly
assign cres.data.29 <Cresr00t> f33r BitchX
assign cres.data.30 <Cresr00t> f33r panasync
assign cres.data.31 <Cres> uhm eye did nawt newk dee h. whoe.
assign cres.data.32 [signoff/#bitchx] macker (EOF From client)
assign cres.data.33 <Cresr00t> DIR cres.irc writer <Cresr00t> DIR = DIE
assign cres.data.34 <Cresr00t> Myrdraal:  u gonna log that for the new cres.irc?
assign cres.data.35 <Cresr00t> Myrdraal: yer never safe ;)
assign cres.data.36 <Cresr00t> im still being snewked
assign cres.data.37 [signoff/#BitchX] Cresr00t (Killed (Talen (stats flooder)))
assign cres.data.38 [signoff/#BitchX] Cresr00t (EOF From client)
assign cres.data.39 <Cresr00t> mackah!
assign cres.data.40 <Cresr00t> /newk <Cresr00t> never just type that <Cresr00t> trys to kill the whole chan
assign cres.data.41 <Fjoder> that idiot cresr00t is stats l flooding again
assign cres.data.42 <Cres> NO PLACE TO HIDE <Cres> YER ICMP DEST ARE MINE
assign cres.data.43 <Proxy> cres, what sound does a g0at make? <Cres> they go BAAAAAAhAHahAAAA
assign cres.data.44 <Cres> yer lucky im +d on the bots
assign cres.data.45 <Cres> i have many efnet oper fiends
assign cres.data.46 <Cres> Brett kicked you from #Twilight_Zone ( you too )
assign cres.data.47 <Cres> im so famous
assign cres.data.48 <Cres> i have a pic of pana and his famly
assign cres.data.49 <Cres> he;s always on eye are sea
assign cres.data.50 <Cres> panafaggot
assign cres.data.51 <Proxy> cres, are you a goat? <Cres> proxy: yes
assign cres.data.52 <Cres> i rape <Cres> kim petty
assign cres.data.53 :%: Cres uts his retainer in
assign cres.data.54 <Cres> proxy: im a virgin =] though there is a slut 6 houses down u can do anything to her but fuck she afriad of dick, sigh, but she left u finger her and stuph
assign cres.data.55 <hAmMz> most masturbatin in one time <Cres> hammz: shhhhhhhhhhhh
assign cres.data.56 <shadz> i trust you can be mature about this and join your own damn fan club already
assign cres.data.57 <Proxy> cres, how many fingers do you have? <Cres> 10
assign cres.data.58 [signoff/#BitchX] hAmMz (i love cres he's the best netsexor this side of the OC-12)
assign cres.data.59 <Cres> u no like me
assign cres.data.60 <Cres> /me has hax0red rot on bridges.edu :P
assign cres.data.61 <Cres> eye did nawt newk dee h
assign cres.data.62 <Cres> you are all my sweey bitches
assign cres.data.63 <Cres> my mom suxs <Cres> she tried to make me go to skewl <Cres> i said hell no
assign cres.data.64 <Cres> cres sucks
assign cres.data.65 <Cres> MAKE ME SLEEP GOD DAMNIT!
assign cres.data.66 <Cres> if i wasn't +d <Cres> i would kill you
assign cres.data.67 <Cres> im gettin a nekkid pic of a irc chick
assign cres.data.68 <Cres> bk: she's not nekkid i have to get it from a friend
assign cres.data.69 <Proxy> cres.. i didnt know you felt this way <Cres> proxy <Cres> ill call yew
assign cres.data.70 <Baron_> Cres, shes changing it today <Baron_> dont hang up <Cres> baron: eeeeeeeeek
assign cres.data.71 <drew> CRES YOU FUCKING IDIOT, YOU JUST KNOCKED MY USERS OFFLINE TOO YOU FUCKHEAD, KEEP YOUR FUCKING NUKES TO YOURSELF
assign cres.data.72 <drew> STOP YOUR FUCKING NUKING YOU ASSHOLE BEFORE I LOG THIS SHIT AND FILE A LAWSUITE
assign cres.data.73 <drew> cres, keep your nukes to yourself or go fuck with microsoft.com or fbi.gov
assign cres.data.74 <Cresr00t> wtf u have pr0n | channels : #BitchX @#sexpicsxxx
assign cres.data.75 <|By-Tor|> your mommy taking away your kb again? <Cres> by-tor: heh who told yew that?
assign cres.data.76 <SidE_ShoW> Cres:  watch what you say, it might end up being in this script <Cres> side_show u dont say
assign cres.data.77 <Cres> yer lucky im +d <Cres> or i woulda roxwwed yew
assign cres.data.78 <Cres> ok  <Cres> tahts iit
assign cres.data.79 <Cres> u wana suck my nutz?
assign cres.data.80 <Cres> side: thats na fake sploit ;)
assign cres.data.81 <Creser> i cant teach anyone my newking skills for fear they may join the darkside :p
assign cres.data.82 <Creser> i got a 486/33 but it got struct my lignting half of it works
assign cres.data.83 <Proxy> cres, do you like the power rangers? <Proxy> cres.. i'll bet you like kimberly.. ? <Creser> proxy, never seen her <Creser> i have ytalk'd her though
assign cres.data.84 -[g0at]-  1. Cres (Apr 22 15:46): some 1 removed my chattr no fucking clue please gimme it all back, thanks =)
assign cres.data.85 <oweff> im a cres fan. <Creser> oweff:  u know what i do to cres fans? =)
assign cres.data.86 <Creser> you cant fade me
assign cres.data.87 <Creser> did i suck yer penis? no i dont THINK SO IM NOT GAY
assign cres.data.88 <macker> %will cres ever run Cres.IRC? <pana-sync> macker, without a doubt
assign cres.data.89 <bla> Cres, send me yer script
assign cres.data.90  HendTexas:* [Cres:cres@gen-x.net] i will dance for a O =]
assign cres.data 91 <Creser> da5id: phear my whois flud
assign cres.data.92 <Creser> by-tor: u will seriously send me yer 486? <|By-Tor|> [Cres]: hellz no
assign cres.data.93 <Creser> im yer monstor
assign cres.data.94 <soil> cres, answer me fool.  <Creser> soil:  I CANT for fear u may join the dark side!
assign cres.data.95 [signoff/#cfc] Cresh0re (EOF From client) | <Creser> Cresh0re go b00m! lol
assign cres.data.96 <Creser> ill have cresw0re k-lined oof nol by tomorrow
assign cres.data.97 <Creser> by-tor: trust me
assign cres.data.98 <Creser> i got so many red neq friends its sad =P
assign cres.data.99 <Creser> grrrrrrrrr another cres fan
assign cres.data.100 úðú Cres has changed the topic on channel #bitchx to: need a 50 meg shell for 5$ a month? email cres@merconline.com
assign cres.data.101 <cres> tru's cock tastes like candy
assign cres.data.102 <Rwf> cres is gay  <Cres> shut up rwf
assign cres.data.103 <Rwf> cres is a crack whore  <Cres> no
assign cres.data.104 <Rwf> Cres: are you gay?  <Cres> huh?
assign cres.data.105 <Rwf> Cres, are you drunk?  <Cres> wwahtt? ithtink im drunkk
assign cres.data.106 ÄÄÄ [topic] <ice-man> my penis is crooked, is that normal? <Cres> at least you have a penis! ÄÄÄ [setby] snack [01/11/97, 09:07pm]
assign cres.data.107 <panasync> cres is not gay. <panasync> he's just mis-guided
assign cres.data.108 <Cres> MY MASINTOSH DOSENT HAVE A HOLE MANG!@#$@
assign cres.data.109 [ë] [topic] <tarotgrl> cres is gonna end up old and alone, jerkin' his lil penis [ë] [setby] T3GAH_ [02/11/97, 06:50pm]
assign cres.data.110 <Cres> YOU CANT HAX0R MY MASINTOSH MANG!@#@$
assign cres.data.111 <snack> Cres, if a guy has a pimply ass, will you toss their salad anyway?
assign cres.data.112 <Rwf> Cres, how's your masintosh? <Cres> my macintosh is great
assign cres.data.113 <Cres> everyone msg zuez <Cres> sayign cres owns you <Cres> =P
assign cres.data.114 <suicide> Cres - my dog owns you
assign cres.data.115 <Rwf> Cres, did you ever wank off to pictures of that ramsey brat in a tight thong?
assign cres.data.116 <psykotyk> suicide, on whether or not we remove cres from the bots <psykotyk> because i doubt there's really anybody in here who wants him here
assign cres.data.117 <Analistic> cres == My daddy has a silver tooth and everytime he sucks my stainless steel dildo, sparks go flying everywhere!
assign cres.data.118 [BX-Wall/#bitchx:panasync] all cres want's for christmas is a penis and the knowledge to use it
assign cres.data.119 [BX-Wall/#BitchX:Cres] i use a shell becuz icmp'ers =)
assign cres.data.120 [BX-Wall/#BitchX:Rwf] 9 out of 10 mirc users prefer cres for brighter, whiter teeth!
assign cres.data.121 [BX-Wall/#bitchx:panasync] and quit stalking me cres
assign cres.data.122 [BX-Wall/#BitchX:Cres] i cant beleive i had a dream about stealing pana's pot plants =]
assign cres.data.123 [BX-Wall/#BitchX:snack] <Cres> I LOVE MY SWEDISH PENIS PUMP!!@#$!
assign cres.data.124 [BX-Wall/#BitchX:Rwf] cres' swedish made penis pump says "made in taiwan" on the handle, and looks like a fuel line for a cheap buick
assign cres.data.125 <Cres> wtf u get 125 <Cres> i ahvent said anything stupid
assign cres.data.126 <Cres> how is that funny?
assign cres.data.127 <Cres_> "<Baron> i dont wana get my clothes dirty" - Offical Prep Club
assign cres.data.128 [e[x](dcc)] úCres@abused-ú ill own this channel so quick [e[x](dcc)] úCres@abused-ú u wont ever get it back
assign cres.data.129 [Cres(cres@hax0r.org)] hope u got yer icmpinfo loggin cuz its gonna be a long nite.....
assign cres.data.130 <big-dcc> [Cres(cres@hax0r.org)] blow me
assign cres.data.131 <Analistic> fag == cres's boyfriend

@ cres.time = [0]
@ total.cres = [0]
foreach cres.data ii { @total.cres++ }

#  if ([$cres.talk]==[on]) { ^on -public "% cres *" wait -cmd cres } 
  if ([$cres.idle]==[on]) { timer -refnum 31337 $cres.idle.time cresidle }

alias cresidle {
  if ([$cres.idle]==[on]) {
    timer -refnum 31337 $cres.idle.time cresidle
    cres
  }
}
    
alias cres.kick {
  if ([$0]) {
    kick $C $0 ${cres.msg()} }{
    echo $cres.logo What are you, under the influence of cres?@%*@  /cres help
  }
}

alias cres.kickban {
  if ([$0]) {
    ban $0
    kick $C $0 ${cres.msg()} }{
    echo $cres.logo What are you, under the influence of cres?@%*@  /cres help
  }
}

alias cres.topic {
  if ([$[1]0]==[#]) {
    if ([$strlen($0)]==[1]) {
      topic ${cres.msg()} }{
      quote topic $0 :${cres.msg()}
    }
  }{
    echo $cres.logo Error!  To set topic in current chan, /cres #, otherwise /cres #channel
  }
}

alias cres.msg {
  @function_return=["${cres.data[$rand(${total.cres-1})]}" - Official Cres Is Banned Club]
}

alias cres.changes {
  echo $cres.logo Well, in rewriting the /cres routine I had to change a
  echo $cres.logo few things...  namely:
  echo $cres.logo /cres (nick) is now /cres msg (nick)
  echo $cres.logo /cres #[chan] is now /cres topic #[chan]
  echo $cres.logo I may change this back in a future version using a
  echo $cres.logo method i'm considering, but it wouldn't be as clean.  
  echo $cres.logo MANY new commands... /cres help for a list.
  echo $cres.logo Enjoy!
}

alias cres.config {
  echo $cparse("%kÄ%cÄ%CÄ%WÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ%CÄ%cÄ%KÄ")
  echo $cparse("%WC%Co%cnfigure %CCres%c.%CIRC%c Extra Featur%Ce%Ws")
  echo $cparse("  %C1%K\) %cAnti-Idle with Cres.IRC %K- %W${cres.idle}")
  echo $cparse("  %C2%K\) %cAnti-Idle Delay         %K- %W${cres.idle.time}")
  echo $cparse("  %C3%K\) %cCres-Talk (watcher)     %K- %W${cres.talk}")
  echo $cparse("%kÄ%cÄ%CÄ%WÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ%CÄ%cÄ%KÄ")
  input_char "Change which? [1/2/3]: " {
    if ([$0]==[1]) {
      input_char "Anti-Idle [Y/N] "{ 
        if ([$toupper($0)]==[Y]) {
          if ($cres.idle!=[on]) {
            @cres.idle=[on]
            timer -refnum 31337 $cres.idle.time cresidle
            echo $cres.logo Cres Anti-Idle Enabled!
          }
        }{
          if ($cres.idle!=[off]) {
            @cres.idle=[off]
            timer -delete 31337
            echo $cres.logo Cres Anti-Idle Disabled!
          }
        }
      }
    }
  }{
    if ([$0]==[2]) {
      input "Anti-Idle Delay (seconds): " { 
        if ([$0] > 0) {
          @ cres.idle.time = [$0]
          echo $cres.logo Anti-Idle Delay set to $cres.idle.time seconds
        }
      }
    }
  }{
    if ([$0]==[3]) {
      input_char "Cres-Talk [Y/N] " {
        if ([$toupper($0)]==[Y]) {
          if ($cres.talk!=[on]) {
            @cres.talk=[on]
            ^on -public "* * cres *" wait -cmd cres
            echo $cres.logo Cres-Talk Enabled!
          }
        }{
          if ($cres.talk!=[off]) {
            @cres.talk=[off]
            ^on ^public -"* * cres *"
            echo $cres.logo Cres-Talk Disabled!
          }
        }
      }
    }
  }
}

alias cres.help {
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres changes %K- %cSorta a changelog from previous version")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres config %K- %cSet a few optional things.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse("%K_%m-%M= %CH%celp on using %CCres%c.%CIRC%c v%C2%c.%C5 %M=%m-%K_")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres %K- %cDisplays random Cres-ism to current chan.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres topic # %K- %cSets topic to a random Cres-ism.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres topic (#chan) %K- %cSets topic in #chan to a random Cres-ism.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres msg (nick) %K- %cSends a msg to nick with a random Cres-ism.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres kick (nick) %K- %cKicks a user from the current chan with a random Cres-ism.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres kickban (nick) %K- %cKickBans a user from the current chan with a random Cres-ism.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres quit %K- %cExits BitchX with a random Cres-ism.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres wall %K- %cSends a Channel WallOp to your current channel with a random Cres-ism.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres kill (nick) %K- %cKills a user from the current chan with a random Cres-ism.  Must be IRCop")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse(" %W/%Ccres wallop %K- %cSends a WallOp across IRC with a random Cres-ism.  Must be IRCop")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse("%WN%Yo%Rt%re%K: %CC%cres%K-%CT%calk watches for ppl talking about %CCres%c in the channel%K.")
  echo $cres.logo $cparse("%CH%cave fun%K,%c and be sure to be on irc%K.%cnol%K.%cnet so %CCres%c can%K'%ct n%C00%ck you%K!%n")
}

alias cres {
  if (![$0]) { 
    if ([$cres.time]==[1]) {
      echo $cres.logo Whoa, slow down there! }{
      say ${cres.msg()}
      @ cres.time = [1]
      timer 3 @ cres.time = [0]
    }
  }{
    switch ($0) {
      (help) {cres.help}
      (changes) {cres.changes}
      (config) {cres.config}
      (kick) {cres.kick $1}
      (kickban) {cres.kickban}
      (bankick) {cres.kickban}
      (msg) {msg $1 $cres.msg()}
      (topic) {cres.topic $1}
      (quit) {quit $cres.msg()}
      (kill) {kill $1 $cres.msg()}
      (wall) {wall $cres.msg()}
      (wallop) {wallop $cres.msg()}
    }
  }
}

if (cres.loaded) {
  echo $cres.logo $cparse("%K_%m-%M= %CC%cres.%CIRC ${cres.version} %cby %Wmacker %cand the %COfficial Cres Fan Club%c is now reloading %cwith %P${total.cres+1} %ccresisms %M=%m-%K_%n")
  }{
 eval set format_version $FORMAT_VERSION + .x%%(Cres ${cres.version})%%x.
  assign cres.loaded loaded, cocked, and ready to blow
  echo $cres.logo $cparse("%K_%m-%M= %CC%cres.%CIRC ${cres.version} by %Cmacker%c and the %COfficial Cres Fan Club%c is now loaded with %P${total.cres+1} %ccresisms%K... %WF%Co%cr instructions, /cres he%Cl%Wp %M=%m-%K_")
  @ cres.idle = [off]
  @ cres.idle.time = [300]
  @ cres.talk = [off]
}